I got skillz.

The hubby’s watching the NFL Draft. While I’m not totally paying attention, I pipe in from time to time to take a break from grading.

that girl: Michael Scofield [character’s name on the now defunct TV show Prison Break, who had a tattoo of a floor plan of the prison on his body]? I bet that dude has a ton of tattoos. And I bet they are a bunch of X’s and O’s.

the hubby: [no response]

that girl: Did you hear me? That was funny.

the hubby: It was funny… You’re tired.

that girl: I’m not tired. I got skillz. These are great jokes.

the hubby: You’re tired.

that girl: (sigh)

 

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Dog Selfies?

that girl: Look at this picture of this dog. Doesn’t he look like a person?

the hubby: He doesn’t look like a person. He’s a dog.

that girl: Look at how his head is tilted. It’s like a selfie.

the hubby: But he has fur on his face.

that girl: Pretend that’s skin.

the hubby: But it’s fur.

that girl: (sigh)

 

Wednesday Morning Funny

As we’re getting ready for work this morning, the TV is on. A Hunger Games trailer/commercial comes on.

the hubby: Hunger Games. Isn’t that the movie about being in the woods?

that girl: I don’t know. I think they eat each other, like survival of the fittest… Hmm. But then, that would make them cannibals. So… maybe not.

the hubby: No, wait, they fight in the woods or something.

that girl: Oh! I remember. I think they fight to the death and then they get a meal… maybe?

the hubby: Why is the name of the movie, THIS movie, Hunger Games? Didn’t that already come out?

that girl: Maybe it’s one of those movies that has a secondary title and you missed it.

the hubby: Could be.

that girl: Maybe the first one was… Hunger Games, the Appetizer. Get it? The appetizer! Hahahaha. It’s like a prequel!

the hubby: [silence]

that girl: Come ON! Did you hear what I said? That was hilarious and really clever. I make your life fun.

Pleasure Reading

Any good writer will tell you that word choice is important. A good conversationalist may tell you the same thing.

I don’t consider myself either.

that girl: You might like that book over there. It seems to apply to your current situation.

the hubby: What would I like about it?

that girl: I don’t know. I haven’t read it.

the hubby: And you want me to read it?

that girl: Well, you might like it. It’s for that class.

the hubby: So you’re giving me homework? I don’t need homework.

that girl: It’s not homework. You like pleasure reading. You do pleasure reading.

the hubby: What, Playboy?

that girl: No, that’s not what I mean.

the hubby: I think you mean, “reading for pleasure.”

that girl: Whatever.

Practical to a Fault

I look over at the hubby and he’s got a pen in one hand, a piece of paper in another. In his lap is a photo directory, sort of like a mini-yearbook.

I see him put an X near one of the photos.

that girl: What are you doing?… Oh my gosh! Are you marking out people in the directory?

the hubby: Yes.

that girl: Why are you doing that?

the hubby: They are people who have died. (He continues making X’s in the directory.)

that girl: Are you serious?! That seems so wrong. Why don’t you just put a “D” next to their name?

the hubby: I don’t want to accidentally ask how so-and-so is doing and then it turns out they’ve died. That would be awkward.

that girl: That… What?… Why?… What? That is so messed up. Did you put X’s over their faces?

the hubby: No, just their name. I have some decency.

That hubby. He’s so practical.

Rainy Day Humor

The hubby likes to use humor to calm me down when I’m annoyed. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t and I get even more annoyed.

After a long day of sitting in the rain for 4 hours, he’s lucky I still had enough energy to laugh.

the hubby (on the phone): Have you dried out from the game yet?

that girl: Yeah, mostly. But there was a hole in my poncho!

the hubby: Oh no.

that girl, annoyed: Water kept dribbling in and I thought it was coming from how the hood was made. Turns out there was a hole, and I’m pretty sure you need to admit you made it.

the hubby: I wouldn’t put a hole in your poncho.

that girl: It was when you wore it, when we were in Canada.

the hubby: I’m a big man but I don’t remember wearing it.

that girl: Yes, I’m aware of that…. It was when we were riding on that double-decker bus and it was raining.

the hubby: Ah. Sorry about that.

that girl: The water kept running down the front of my shirt…. Since you told me I needed to wear a white t-shirt, I did.

the hubby: Oh.

that girl: I had a wet t-shirt contest happening under my poncho.

the hubby: Did you win?

that girl: Of course I did! hahahahaha!

Technology Timewarp

Hubby and I, we are not a high-tech people. Wait, that’s not true. We are… mid-tech. Together, we know a lot about technology and the digital world–far more than the average person. Part of this is because of our work. We can tell you all sorts of things about cameras, 1080i, FireWire, P2, HDMI, SDHC, AVCHD, and a slew of other initials.

In spite of all that, we choose not to buy all the gadgets and gizmos most everyone else has. Neither one of us has a smart phone. In fact, we don’t like cell phones. We don’t have iPads or Kindles. Hubby’s laptop is ancient by computer standards. We just don’t spend a ton of money on stuff like that and the hubby tends to keep our older technology for as long as we can. I, personally, am indifferent about it.

That said, I hope you find this conversation amusing. It happened moments ago. In 2013.

hubby: Why can’t I sort columns in Excel?

that girl: You can. You just don’t know how to do it. Click on the column. Then click that A-Z button…. Oh my gosh! Is that the paper clip?

hubby: It’s the office assistant. I ignore that b*tch!

that girl: You’re using the paper clip? You’re so 2000-and-late. I hope you’re not stuck with this version of Word for the rest of your life. You should change it to the puppy.

hubby: There’s a puppy?

that girl: Yeah, he’s cute.

hubby: I like puppies. How do I change it to a puppy?

that girl: Click on the paper clip and ask it.

[Sound of hubby typing.]

hubby: Oh! It says that I can change the office assistant.

[Mouse clicking sounds.]

hubby: There’s a red ball! A robot? A wizard?!… Is that a cat or is that a dog? I think it’s a cat…. Rocky, the dog. Boooom! Got it.

that girl: What did you type when you asked the paper clip?

hubby: “Change to a puppy.”

that girl: Hahaha. That’s what you typed?! Hilarious!

hubby: Mmm. Hmm.

that girl: Wait, but why is that the paper clip still?

hubby: It says I don’t have the dog installed…. Dang. I only have paper clip software.

that girl: That’s sad.