I got skillz.

The hubby’s watching the NFL Draft. While I’m not totally paying attention, I pipe in from time to time to take a break from grading.

that girl: Michael Scofield [character’s name on the now defunct TV show Prison Break, who had a tattoo of a floor plan of the prison on his body]? I bet that dude has a ton of tattoos. And I bet they are a bunch of X’s and O’s.

the hubby: [no response]

that girl: Did you hear me? That was funny.

the hubby: It was funny… You’re tired.

that girl: I’m not tired. I got skillz. These are great jokes.

the hubby: You’re tired.

that girl: (sigh)

 

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Dog Selfies?

that girl: Look at this picture of this dog. Doesn’t he look like a person?

the hubby: He doesn’t look like a person. He’s a dog.

that girl: Look at how his head is tilted. It’s like a selfie.

the hubby: But he has fur on his face.

that girl: Pretend that’s skin.

the hubby: But it’s fur.

that girl: (sigh)

 

Sister, Sister

We were born to the same parents.

We lived together for 17 years.

We are nothing alike.

My sister and I. We are so different. I’d even say we might be polar opposites.

I wonder how this sort of thing happens in a family. How is it that our psychological DNA is so out of sync with one another? Physically, if you stare long enough, we do look related. Though, I do admit as a child that I was convinced I had to be adopted. But mentally, we just function differently. We have different values, different priorities.

It’s not something that has come with age. We’ve been like this our entire lives.

  • She has a smart phone. Mine is dumb and is sometimes left unanswered and uncharged for days and even weeks.
  • She likes Disney World. I don’t understand the draw and prefer Universal Studios.
  • She drives a Ford. I have a VW.
  • She likes to throw parties to celebrate. I prefer going out with a small group of friends.
  • I play musical instruments. She tried and gave up on them.
  • I can sit quietly for hours. She has to stay busy.
  • I plan and think ahead. She pushes the limits of time.
  • I don’t care if people think I’m goofy. She’s afraid of being embarrassed.
  • I wear bright colors like pink, yellow, and orange. She sticks with blues and neutrals.

Surely I can’t be the only one who is like this. Are you dissimilar to your siblings? Do tell.

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Wednesday Morning Funny

As we’re getting ready for work this morning, the TV is on. A Hunger Games trailer/commercial comes on.

the hubby: Hunger Games. Isn’t that the movie about being in the woods?

that girl: I don’t know. I think they eat each other, like survival of the fittest… Hmm. But then, that would make them cannibals. So… maybe not.

the hubby: No, wait, they fight in the woods or something.

that girl: Oh! I remember. I think they fight to the death and then they get a meal… maybe?

the hubby: Why is the name of the movie, THIS movie, Hunger Games? Didn’t that already come out?

that girl: Maybe it’s one of those movies that has a secondary title and you missed it.

the hubby: Could be.

that girl: Maybe the first one was… Hunger Games, the Appetizer. Get it? The appetizer! Hahahaha. It’s like a prequel!

the hubby: [silence]

that girl: Come ON! Did you hear what I said? That was hilarious and really clever. I make your life fun.

Practical to a Fault

I look over at the hubby and he’s got a pen in one hand, a piece of paper in another. In his lap is a photo directory, sort of like a mini-yearbook.

I see him put an X near one of the photos.

that girl: What are you doing?… Oh my gosh! Are you marking out people in the directory?

the hubby: Yes.

that girl: Why are you doing that?

the hubby: They are people who have died. (He continues making X’s in the directory.)

that girl: Are you serious?! That seems so wrong. Why don’t you just put a “D” next to their name?

the hubby: I don’t want to accidentally ask how so-and-so is doing and then it turns out they’ve died. That would be awkward.

that girl: That… What?… Why?… What? That is so messed up. Did you put X’s over their faces?

the hubby: No, just their name. I have some decency.

That hubby. He’s so practical.

LinkedIn is Goofy

or maybe it’s just the people I know.

There’s no legitimacy to people “endorsing” you. More than once, I’ve had acquaintances endorse me for things that I don’t even know how to do! Is it because the people I know don’t know how to use LinkedIn? Do they not get that you don’t have to endorse people using suggestions that LI presumably provides? Anybody can endorse you for anything!

Please, someone endorse me for my proficiency in hashtagging.

#Lame and #DoubleLame.

That is all.

Rainy Day Humor

The hubby likes to use humor to calm me down when I’m annoyed. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t and I get even more annoyed.

After a long day of sitting in the rain for 4 hours, he’s lucky I still had enough energy to laugh.

the hubby (on the phone): Have you dried out from the game yet?

that girl: Yeah, mostly. But there was a hole in my poncho!

the hubby: Oh no.

that girl, annoyed: Water kept dribbling in and I thought it was coming from how the hood was made. Turns out there was a hole, and I’m pretty sure you need to admit you made it.

the hubby: I wouldn’t put a hole in your poncho.

that girl: It was when you wore it, when we were in Canada.

the hubby: I’m a big man but I don’t remember wearing it.

that girl: Yes, I’m aware of that…. It was when we were riding on that double-decker bus and it was raining.

the hubby: Ah. Sorry about that.

that girl: The water kept running down the front of my shirt…. Since you told me I needed to wear a white t-shirt, I did.

the hubby: Oh.

that girl: I had a wet t-shirt contest happening under my poncho.

the hubby: Did you win?

that girl: Of course I did! hahahahaha!