“Paging Dr. Greene”

This weekend we had a pair of friends at the house to watch the Super Bowl. They left a little bit after the game ended and the hubby disappeared upstairs soon after. I stayed in the living room to get some work done, but a half hour or so later, I started to wonder why the hubby had not returned. Maybe he is watching something else upstairs and I didn’t hear him tell me. Maybe it’s only been a couple of minutes and not 30.

I continue working on emails and whatnot. And then I wonder why the hubby still isn’t back, so I go upstairs fully expecting to see him asleep in the bed. Not so. I hear the TV on in the other room, but he is not there. I look in our room, but he is not there either. He must be in the bathroom.

“Are you OK?” I ask. “No,” says a weak little voice. “What can I get you?” “Nothing. I don’t feel good.”

I let him have his time and then I return upstairs. He’s on the bed now, backwards. “Are you OK?” I ask. “No, I feel terrible,” he says. “Do you want me to get you something to drink?” “Yeah. I’ve thrown up and I’m feeling dehydrated.” I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not anything he drank. We’re not ones to drink and if we do, it’s not to excess. I bring him a bottle of Gatorade and a bell. “Ring the bell if you want me to get you something. I need to do some stuff downstairs, but I’ll check on you.”

I check on him periodically but he’s usually in the bathroom. “Do you need anything?” I ask. “Yeah, can you hold my hair?” OK, that must mean he is feeling a little better. He’s telling jokes. I go back downstairs. After a while, it’s getting late, I’ve seen this episode of Iron Chef America, and it’s time for bed. I get ready to let the dog out when I hear a faint ringing of the bell. Uh oh. I run upstairs.

that girl: Are you OK? Do you need more to drink?
the hubby: I need to go to the hospital.
that girl: You need to go to the hospital!? What happened?
the hubby: I keep getting sick. I’m so dehydrated. My whole body aches. I’ve got chills. I’m afraid to go to sleep in this condition. I don’t think there is anything left in my body.
that girl: So I need to bring you to the emergency room? Are we supposed to call the doctor or something? What’s the deal that we have to do with insurance? Should I call our friends to see if they got sick, too?
the hubby: Let’s not worry about any of that and just go.

The emergency room, friends. Have you ever been to the emergency room? The ER?!?? I haven’t. As you may recall, I don’t do well in hospital situations when the hubby is involved. This time, my mind started racing. Am I going to see people with blood on them? cuts? broken legs? communicable diseases?! I already have effing pink eye. I don’t want to catch anything! What if we have to wait for hours and hours?

When we get to the entrance, there are three police cars parked outside. Please, please, please. Tell me this is normal. I am quickly reminded of when an escaped prisoner killed two people in the ER in 2006. Please tell me the police cars are normal. I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to go in.

We go inside and it’s nearly empty. Whew. There are only three college students sitting together in the waiting room reading and working on their laptops. We will not sit near you. You probably have swine flu. I fill out the paperwork and we wait a few minutes. I hold my breath when a woman walks by, and I insist that we move away from the check-in desk to avoid catching anything from anyone who comes in. Then they call for the hubby and I’m allowed to go in with him. The only thing is, it’s past 1:00am, I’m freaked out, and I misunderstand the nurse. He said we will head left… but I go right… all by myself. It’s not until the nurse says, “Is she not with you?” That I realize how much of a doofus I really am. Sheesh.

We get to the room and the hubby is asked a bunch of questions. Despite the hubby’s hunch that it’s food poisoning, the doctor refutes that opinion. “I think it’s a stomach flu.” A bag of something or other is hooked up, blood is drawn, and a little tube is attached to the hubby’s arm. ack. He’s given some drugs to alleviate the pain. Morphine! Thankfully, he ends up sleeping a little bit and is in less pain. What a relief.

Since the baby laptop is with us, I continue sending out emails. I email his boss and co-workers. And I send out cancellations for everything except my afternoon class. There’s no way I can teach that 10:00am workshop. An email with a 3:15 time stamp ought to take care of that.

I struggle with trying to find something to watch on the little tv. CNN… Larry King’s Interview with Brittany Murphy’s mother and husband. Hmm. It’s better than watching CSI reruns. The last time I did that, I had nightmares. I also struggle with getting comfortable in a little grey plastic chair. The chair ends up winning the battle and I end up staying awake the whole time.

We leave at 5:00am and get to bed by 5:30. The hubby will return to work tomorrow.

Share your ER stories with me. Was it traumatic? Was it scary? Was it not as freaky as you thought?

Hamm and Buble

After years of concert-going, I’ve discovered that the performers that I enjoy the most are the ones who talk to the audience. A few years ago, I went to see a Matchbox20 show. While they are one of my favorites, I was surprised when Rob Thomas, the lead singer, didn’t really talk to us. I had gotten spoiled by my other faves and had come to expect banter but left feeling like I had missed something.

Michael Buble is one of my favorite performers. He’s a great singer and quite entertaining. I’ve probably been to 4 of his shows. Each time, he never fails to engage with the audience and provide a great time for everyone. He is quite the ham, too, but most people never get to see his funny side unless they go to a concert. So I was quite happy to see that he was in a skit on last night’s Saturday Night Live with John Hamm. Check it out.

That Buble, he's such a ham!

It’s Snowing. Time for French Toast!

EGGS, MILK, BREAD! Eggs, Milk, Bread! eggs, milk, bread… cinnamon?

When bad weather is looming, people run to the grocery store to stock up. What I don’t quite understand is the grocery list. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids and it’s just me, the hubby, and the dog, but why do people always buy eggs, milk, and bread? I don’t get it. Are you going to die suddenly if you don’t have bread? Are eggs, milk, and bread all that sustains us? Is it the right mix for replenishing your soul after a hard day of making snow angels? Why not some steak? Pasta? Soup?

How much French Toast are you people making?! And shouldn’t you put cinnamon on  your list?

Who Sold Me?

I have multiple email addresses, and I use one specifically for signing up for stuff on the web. I’ve had this email address for about 10 years. Like everyone else, I get spam, but it usually goes to the junk folder automatically. But I also get mailings that I signed up for and are not super-important. You know what I mean: notifications of sales, newsletters, special deals, etc. In fact, it’s pretty rare that I ever see junk mail in my inbox… until now. All of a sudden, I’m getting so much garbage in the inbox. It’s insane.

And I’m convinced that it is all because of the W-mart. In December I had signed up for their .com to gain greater access to photo processing services. Since then, spam, spam, spam! I think they sold me to the lowest bidder. Dang them!

Has anyone sold you? Who was it? I want to know who to avoid.

I’m on a Boat?

Issac, you make cruising look so fun!

The hubby and I were talking vacations the other day. We’re thinking about taking a cruise and neither one of us has ever been on one. We both have concerns and did some research online. We’ve learned that there is an embarkation port a short distance from my parents’ house, which wouldn’t require us to fly somewhere first. So that is a plus.

We’ve also made some other discoveries. Join us in our disjointed conversation.

that girl: Someone said that the cruise ship is just like a floating hotel and not that exciting. And that it might be better just to fly somewhere.
the hubby: I’m worried about these fancy dining rooms.
that girl: What if it’s like Titanic?
the hubby: They are talking about wearing a dark jacket or renting a suit.
that girl: And what if I get seasick?… A suit? Who wants to pack a suit?… We would have to get an interior room but they seem pretty tiny.
the hubby: What the h*ll? Can’t I just eat dinner?
that girl: I’m not sure about this Bermuda thing.
the hubby: Because of the Triangle?
that girl: What if a whale flips the boat over?

Annnnd scene.

OK, lovely readers, help us out. We know we are a little crazy (OK, maybe mostly me) and our concerns are ridiculous. (Or are they?!) Have you been on a cruise? Where did you go? What was it like? Any advice on what to avoid?

Identifying the Goofball

I can relate to what is happening over at the Peabrain Peacock Network. I’ve seen upheaval in the workplace. I’ve seen perfectly competent people get Conaned canned. I’ve seen people get screwed over. I’ve seen change that makes no sense. I just haven’t witnessed it to the degree of public scrutiny that is happening at NBC. I mean, this is stuff is going to end up in textbooks!

At the root of the problem is… the goofball. In this case, the NBC Jeffs that are in charge (Zucker and Gaspin) are prime examples of television executive goofballs. And let me tell ya, I’ve worked with plenty of TV goofballs in my time. I could, in fact, be an expert in working with TV goofballs. I could probably write a chapter in one of those aforementioned textbooks! The thing with the goofballs is that most of them are not intentional a$$holes. They just come off that way. In reality, they are inept. Big time. They lack the competence to make sound decisions, and they f*ck everything up. (Did I just say that? Yeah, I’m irritated.) The worst of the goofballs are the ones who don’t have patience and make snap decisions.

I feel it is my duty as a public service to all of the world to release my notes on how to identify a TV goofball. And please, feel free to add your own symptoms of Goofballishness. I’m sure goofballs are not limited to television work…. Together, we can make a difference.

• make changes in all the wrong places
• think people are expendable.
• can’t get past the bottom line.
• step all over you.
• think there is only one answer and it is theirs.
• never admit their mistakes.
• do not know how to recover from failure.
• freak out when they feel pressure.
• fail to recognize when they are the problem.

Late ToNight Show with… Irony!

I’ve never claimed to be the best at identifying irony and Alanis Morisette’s inaccurate definition has caused me confusion for years, but this has to be an example.

Did you know that back in 1992 when Jay Leno’s hosting duties on the Tonight Show were in their infancy, NBC threatened to pull the plug on him and replace him with David Letterman? Strange but true. It included a wack-a-doodle timeslot swap as well. Take a look at this archived article from the New York Times. It’s a great read. For extra-added fun, be sure to sub all the “Mr. Leno” references to “Mr. O’Brien” and “Mr. Letterman” to “Mr. Leno” and you’ll have an article that could be re-posted today.

(Thanks to the Tuned In blog and Bill Simmons for the link.)

To be continued…

Late ToNight Show with… Me!

from imwithcoco.com

You know I couldn’t stay away from blogging about the debacle of late night television. It’s in my blood. I love TV…. I have to warn you that this post is going to be all over the place.

As you can see from my lovely visual, I have taken sides. But it may not be for the reasons you think. Am I a Conan fan? Am I a Leno basher? Here’s the thing, I am neither. While I’ve always had loyalties toward NBC that started with the Brandon Tartikoff days, I don’t claim to watch the Tonight Show on a regular basis. I’m usually going to bed at that time. If I do stay up for late night TV, it’s for the guest, not the host. Also I don’t watch The Jay Leno Show at 10pm because I’ve already invested my time in other shows at that time and when I see him, I feel like it’s later than it actually is.

That being said, why the visual? What am I? I’ll tell ya. I am a fan of is being honorable. I am a fan of what is fair. I am a supporter of commitment. I support giving time for change. I believe in principle. I believe in the greater good.

What NBC is doing to Conan O’Brien and his staff is not honorable. It is not fair. In fact, I think it’s pathetic and embarrassing. Yes, yes, yes. I know how TV works. I know that it’s a business, but good gracious. Where is NBC’s commitment? No offense, but it’s like the network has ADD. It needs to give Conan O’Brien and his crew a little more time. This is not a high school romance. NBC needs to calm down! If the executives truly believed in the new guy, they would honor their relationship and work on it, not run away into the arms of their big-chinned, sooo mature, college freshman ex-boyfriend. Just because your friends tell you he’s cooler, doesn’t mean he really is… OK, end of weird analogy.

To be continued…

The Dirty

Two things that I cannot believe are true.

1-Lane Kiffin as the head coach of USC football. Dirty. That’s how I would describe the situation. The guy was the head coach of the Vols for 1 season. Then he runs back to USC. Dirty.

2-Jeff Zucker still the head of NBC. Dirty. That’s how I describe NBC’s treatment of Conan O’Brien. And I would describe Zucker’s contributions to NBC’s programming as good at one point when he was in charge of the Entertainment division but now lacking vision and forethought as the big wig.

Looking for a Resolution?

I don’t make resolutions for the new year, not for me anyway. But if you need some, I have made them for you. Here now is a list of Writing and Speaking Resolutions.

• speak using full words and not abbreviations, especially when the words themselves are the same number of syllables. Examples: IDK = I don’t know. OMG = Oh my gosh.
• learn the difference between homophones. Examples: their, there, and they’re not the same.
• stop using spell check and take the time to proofread (or at least turn on the feature in Word that underlines misspelled text as you type).
• understand the difference between then and than.
• learn how to use an apostrophe because it’s does not refer to possession.
• pronounce caramel, pecan, and New Orleans properly.

You’re welcome…. Have you anything to add? We need to help the rest of the world one resolution at a time.